30 Days of Little L - Day 2

Day 2 - The meaning behind your blog name.

don't panic | Marc Falardeau

Despite being someone who has suicidal ideations, I love life. I love living.

I love looking out my kitchen window and seeing mountains and farms. I love watching tractors drive down my street. I love hearing the clip clop of the Amish carts as they come around the corner. 

I love hopping in the car when Big's on lunch and driving to the lake that's four miles up the road. I love walking through the forest, and trekking around the sopping wet grass trail. I love sitting at the lookout spot and staring at the water. 

I love going out back and digging my fingers into the soil. I love yanking weeds, and mowing the lawn. I love raking the leaves, and picking up the damn black walnuts that fall by the dozens. 

When my social anxiety allows it, I love going to fairs, and fireworks, and other social gatherings of our new neighbors, some of whom we'd never meet otherwise because of the distance between us. Our town has a teeny population spread out over a large swath of land, so it can be months before we see each other. We've been here a year, and I'm sure there are plenty of people we've never seen. 

I love to laugh. I laugh at dumb things, and dark things, and funny things. I laugh at things other people don't laugh at, and things other people do. I laugh when I'm having fun, and when I'm in pain, and when I'm scared. It's how I deal with life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

And love is just so important. We all need a little love to get through in this world. 

But just when I get comfortable, BAM! Panic hits. It's not always sudden. Sometimes, it's a slow burn through the grocery store that erupts into tears on the way home when I can't remember actually putting the groceries in the trunk. Others it comes out of nowhere and steals my breath away. 

I want to talk about all those things. I want to talk about how life doesn't have to end, the beauty doesn't have to fade just because you suffer from mental illness. The panic attacks and depressive episodes don't have to stop you from living. You can push through them. You can enjoy the world around you. It will take work, and sometimes you won't be able to. But others...other times you will step outside, notice the way the sun hits the morning dew, and you'll just keep going. And it will be glorious. 

So! Live, Laugh, Love, PANIC! I hope you like it. 💜

This series inspired by a writing challenge from Living Off Love and Coffee. Find the full list here.