For Big

Back in the day, when Pinterest was new, everyone I knew was creating boards. Boards for crafts they wanted to do, and bucket list boards, and boards for quotes they loved, and boards for people they loved.

I thought that last one was cheesy.

I mean, if I'm to be honest, I find most internet PDA cheesy.

Hear me out.

We got the internet when I was in middle school. We had a Commodore 64, and my dad was always on it or working on it. My sister was too young to be interested, and I wasn't really allowed to use it until I started being assigned papers in school. Then my dad got this program that helped you make banners and cards. I forget what it was called.

God, I wasted so much paper with that program.

Towards the end of middle school, Dad upgraded and put the C64 in my room, but it wasn't connected to the internet.

When I was in high school, I got my first email account. It didn't take me long to realize my dad was reading my email, and find a site (Yahoo) that would allow me to create a new email account so he couldn't do that. And then I started joining adult chatrooms I had no business being in. The first was called Vampire's Tavern.

What? This was right around the time Interview came out, and I was obsessed with vampires. I was 14. Leave me alone. 😋

It was a roleplaying room, and I found the roleplay intriguing, but when it came right down to it, I was put off by the PDA taking place in text. How could you "love" someone you'd never met?

My next experience with the internet came as an adult. My ex had a Sega Saturn, and set it up with WebTV, and within a month, he'd run our phone bill up over $1000 in long distance bills because the closest hub was New York City and we lived in Bumfuck Upstate. So that was the end of that.

And then, I met Big, and he introduced me to IRC. We spent our time in roleplay rooms of a different nature, where PDA and internet relationships were a badge of honor. Most of the people in the rooms were married. None of their spouses were online with them. All of the "relationships" they were conducting online were extramarital. They displayed their relationship status in their bios (think "Facebook official") and their nicks (usernames), and they acted like these internet relationships were the be all, end all of civilization. Until they were broken up in a week, and then, within a few days, they were "Facebook official" again with someone else.

Grown adults, y'all. Grown ass adults. Most in their late 40s or older. Smdh.

Somewhere along the line, in these chatrooms, I started to get the impression that literally the only reason for PDA on the internet was to be all, "Look at me! I'm in a relationship! Somebody wants me! Don't you wish you were me?"

And then, when I didn't fawn all over Big in the chatrooms—because we were sitting literally five feet away from each other on different computers and I was fawning all over him in real life—people started to talk. Our relationship must not be as great as we said it was. Obviously, he wasn't actually interested in me because he never hugged or kissed me in text. Probably the only real reason we were there was to make his old online girlfriends1 jealous.

So I started doing posts on my blog that were sappy, braggy grossness so the bitches would stfu. And while I love showing Big affection, and that blog was specifically about our relationship, it always felt like, "Look at us! We're in a relationship! Aren't we great?!" But they made Big feel good, so I kept doing them.

And then Pinterest happened. And everybody was making a board for their boyfriends and their best friends and...and I felt like all that mushy bullshit was showboating and cliché, and so I didn't do it.

I keep telling you I'm an asshole.

I have since changed my mind.

Back in the day, when he was working in the office, I'd make him things. Silly little cards with hearts made from the little papers in Hershey Kisses, and drawings, and baked goods, and fancy dinners. Since Big doesn't leave the house without me often anymore (he works from home), and he's taken over the finances so I really don't ever know how much money we have (because I hated doing it...I have access to the bank account balance and credit cards, I just never look), and supposedly the best gifts are free anyway, I'm realizing that I need to find things to do that show him I love him that he can't see me doing so it's a surprise.

ALLLLLLLLlllllllll of that to say:

I started a Pinterest board for Big. Some of it's lovey-dovey. Some of it's sexy (what? We're grown and married. We're allowed to be sexy). Some of it's little notes to remind him that there's more to life than work. But this one is my favorite:


I love you, Big. Way more than you could ever love me. =D

1. Big was on the internet long before he met me, had multiple online girlfriends before we got together, and the channels (IRC chatrooms) that we spent time in were ones he'd met them in. A lot of the talk was because people were mad about how his last online relationship ended and that he was coming around with his new (real life) girlfriend. 


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