30 Days of Little L - Day 13

Day 13 - A letter to someone who's hurt you

conflict | Alosh Bennett

Dear Dad,

I think it’s time that you and I had a conversation.

Since you’re the reason it’s always been easier for me to communicate via letter than face-to-face, I feel it’s only fitting that it start this way.

My whole life, I’ve believed, wholeheartedly, that you believe that men are ahead of women in everything. It’s actually why I became such a staunch feminist, and played softball (because girls weren’t allowed to play baseball), and got dirty, and stuffed my emotions. I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted to prove that I could do anything any man could do, and better.

I never doubted that you cared about me (until I was a teen, and the monologue in my head started telling me, over and over, that nobody cared about me), but I did doubt that you believed in me. I wasn’t a boy. I could never accomplish as much as a boy.

But I never thought you’d go so far as to willingly hold me back. I know that’s not what you think you’re doing. You think you’re doing what’s right for you and for our country. And you think that because you’ve served your country in more ways than even I know, you have more of a right to your opinion than someone like me, who, as far as you know, hasn’t done anything for anyone but herself since she became an adult.

That’s not true. I know that’s not true. And even as the voices in my head want me to believe that it is true, I can go into my email, and the comments section on my website (and, in fact, almost any website I’ve contributed to), and most of my IM programs, and find people thanking me for my help in the topic at hand. That’s not a brag. It’s just the truth. And aside from my husband, it’s the one thing that keeps me from succumbing to the voices.

But, Dad…you are willingly engaging in behaviors that are holding me, and my sister, and your granddaughters back. And I really don’t understand your reasons for doing so.

You’re “pro-life.” I understand. You had to fight to have children at all, which is the main reason you and Mom took me in, and you can’t imagine intentionally stopping a pregnancy that you wanted so much all of your life. But it’s unfair for you to think you have the right to make those kinds of decisions for other women, and other men, and other unborn babies whose situations you do not know.

It is not always right for conception to come to fruition. Sometimes, it would be very, very wrong. And while adoption may be a better choice for you, it may not be a better choice for the couple involved and their unborn baby. That’s not your decision to make.

If we’ve learned anything from abortion history, it’s that abortions will happen anyway, and if they are illegal, many of the women who get them will die. For me, that presents a pretty large moral dilemma.

You don’t want to lose your guns. And hey, that’s fine. I, personally, don’t have a problem with you having a gun. I know you know how to use it, and how to keep it safe, and how to be safe with it. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t shoot someone (now that you're a private citizen) unless you were relatively sure that if you didn’t, they’d hurt you or someone you love.

But nobody wants to take your guns, Dad. They want to keep guns out of the hands of people who shouldn't have them. People who aren't allowed to fly because they're suspected terrorists, and people who have been convicted of domestic violence and are more likely to murder their spouses with a gun.

But none of that matters. What hurts me the most is that you won't even talk to me about it. The second I bring it up, your temper flares, and you shut down. "I don't want to argue with you," but you apparently also don't want to discuss it with me like a couple of adults who have opposing views, either.

Why is that? Is it because you don't believe I am smart enough and mature enough to have the conversation? Is it because you aren't? Is it because you're afraid of having to actually really look at and pick apart your worldview?

I don't know because you won't talk to me about it.

What I do know is that it's becoming more and more apparent that members of our government conspired with a foreign agent against our country. It's becoming more and more apparent that a huge subset of people in our country are moving backwards. That they're racist, and classist, and xenophobic.

I didn't think that was who you were. I thought you believed in the rights you joined the military to protect. I thought you believed in equality for everyone.

I don't really know what else to say, so I guess that's where I close this letter.

I love you, Dad. I hope that we can come together on this some day. Even if we never agree.

Xoxo,
Little L

This series inspired by a writing challenge from Living Off Love and Coffee. Find the full list here.