Accountability and Setting February Goals

Guess who got sticky notes! Me. It was me.

I got basically nothing done yesterday.

I tried to write, but I couldn't focus. I didn't feel like cleaning so I didn't. Not that I had a lot of time between feeding everybody, pretending I was going to write something amazing, running on the elliptical for 35 minutes, and grocery shopping.

I finally started cleaning up the kitchen before dinner, but the whole house is a mess. Not dirty. Just...the coffee table is cluttered and the bedroom looks like a sheet store and a sex shop had a bunch of little sheet and cock babies, and there's laundry I don't want to do, and...

The kitchen sink leaks every once in a while. It looks to me like the pipes are a little too short, and the seals are busted. There's been a little stick propping the pipes up since we moved in, and it slid out at some point, so I had to deal with that.

I put our coats in the wash...didn't I just say I got nothing done? I guess I did more than I realized.

But those things I did because I had to, not because I wanted to. The things I wanted to do are...non-existent. I have zero motivation. I'm so lazy that, when I thought my water bottle was upstairs, I made myself a glass of ice water instead of going to get it. Who does that? Me. I do.

Not that there's anthing wrong with drinking water out of a glass. I just...don't normally. It feels too fancy. I am not a fancy person, and I have a hard time convincing myself I deserve fancy things.

Anyway, I don't know if this bout of laziness is depression or my period. All I know is I really wish it would go the fuck away. Ain't nobody got time for this shit.

And I'm pissed at myself about it. Like, logically, I know I'll eventually get the cleaning done (probably later today), and that I'm doing way better now than I have in the past, but I'm so annoyed that I'm sitting here in my own way again. Again! Yay, cyclical mental illness!

AnyANYway...this post is about January's goals and how I did on them. So here we go...

1 - Start setting goals for myself and following through on them. I did so so on this one. I didn't complete all the goals I set. I think the ones regarding my short story series were overly ambitious because the damn thing gives me panic attacks. That's that imposter syndrome getting in my way. People liked the first part. I'm sure they'll like the second part. But it takes a crazy turn, and I'm super nervous that people are going to think it's dumb, so I've been avoiding it. Plus, I've been writing that 30 day challenge, and that took a lot out of me.

2 - Finish 30 Days of Me writing challenge. I did! I did! I'm so excited about that. I've started multiple challenges on my other blog, and I haven't finished a one. But I finished the one here. Go me!

3 - Make some decisions regarding part 2 of my short story series. I think I've made those decisions, but there's always the possibility of me changing my mind. I still plan to finish writing out that part I mentioned, but I think I've already come to the conclusion that part 2 negates any need for that part.

4 - Edit the part of part 2 that is finished. I started it? I seriously underestimated the amount of "Jesus, do I really have to read it again?" I was feeling. The problem is I read the things I write a thousand times while I'm writing them, edit as I go instead of just writing it, and then edit again when it's finished. I'm going to try to break that habit with part 3. We'll see how that goes.

5 - Get back to doing 30 minutes a day on the elliptical and eating more healthy foods than junk. Eesh. This one.

Okay, so I need to start by saying that I should have qualified this one a little more. That's not me trying to make myself feel better about how it turned out. I actually feel pretty good about how it turned out. That's me saying I didn't really explain my goal well enough.

My intention is to be doing at least 30 minutes on the elliptical (or hiking, or whatever) five days out of seven, with two rest days to give my body a chance to heal. I started at 20 minutes, this month, and I'm up to at least making 30 minutes when I elliptical (still can't hike...stupid snow). Yesterday, I intentionally did 35 minutes, and the day before that, I did 40 because the timer didn't beep when it was finished. AND I DIDN'T EVEN DIE!

As for five out of seven days, I didn't make that. I was sick a lot of January. A bit of an upper respiratory thing, which I'm gonna have to have checked out, and migraines, and a stomach thing. Big was sick in bed a day or two, which meant no elliptical for me because it's in our bedroom. And a couple days I got busy playing video games with Big and decided time spent with him was more important. Especially with all the tech emergencies he's gotta fix over the next couple weeks.

Annnnnd we went on a bit of a junk food binge. I don't know for sure that we ate more healthy foods than junk. I do know that we ate more healthy foods for our normal meals than we have been, but we also ate a lot of junk in January. So I'm calling it half done.

Now for February's goals:

1 - Learn to be honest with myself about what I can accomplish in a month and follow through on my goals. I really think I overestimated my starting point and my abilities, and that's why I didn't complete all of my goals last month. Of course, as I've said before, I've never really been good at setting goals and following through with them, so I'm having to learn how to do that. Baby steps.

2 - Get better at time management (i.e. spend less time on Twitter). I have a tendency to lose myself in things. Social media, music, Google black holes. I need to start paying attention to how much time I'm spending on things, and complete important tasks before I let myself get sucked in by extracurriculars.

3 - Edit part 2. The first "final edit" has to be completed in February. Not for any other reason than I have a personal need to get it published by my birthday, which isn't until April, but knowing myself like I do, I know I'm going to need at least a month to sit on it before I work up the courage to upload it to Amazon. And by "sit on it," I mean, "move stuff around until I ultimately move it all back and call it done." See? I'm already being more honest with myself about my abilities.

4 - At least 30 minutes of exercise five out of seven days. I'm changing this to 30 min of exercise because I found a couple HIIT aerobics videos for beginners, and I really like the instructors. I tried one last year, and it was a lot of fun to do. Way better than just running on an elliptical for 30 minutes. But I ended up out of commission for days because my knees aren't used to moving like that. I plan to try it again this month, and see how my body fares. If I make it through and can still walk the next day, I'm hoping to make it a thing I do at least two out of those five days. Mostly because I am bored as fuck with running on the elliptical.

5 - Eat less junk and cut out soda. This one is the most frustrating. We had completely cut soda and were mostly eating healthy and then we just...stopped. And then we kinda went crazy. And now we're paying for it. I'm sick of how I feel. So I really need to get back to that.

***Bonus: Don't beat myself up if I don't make a goal. As long as I gave it my best shot, I need to accept what I was able to accomplish.

How'd you do with your goals last month?

💜

P.S. If you have chronic pain in your hands and your fingers, and you use kitchen gloves, wash your gloves with hot water while you're wearing them on bad pain days. You can thank me later.