I can't seem to motivate myself to do them.
I was beating myself up over it, and feeling really pathetic, but the more I think about it, the more I'm thinking maybe I'm just going about this all wrong. I mean, I'm trying to go from not setting a single goal for myself and just going where the wind blows me to setting five goals a month without considering the potential for failure.
Like, 1000 words a day on a specific project seems like it's not a big deal but I have been avoiding writing since I published part 1 (yay, impostor syndrome!), and I've never been the type to work on one project at a time. So naturally, the second I made that goal, I started working on another story.
I'm not kidding when I say I have issues. Two of the biggest are setting myself up for failure and self sabotaging.
It's not like I'm doing nothing. After that post about how I had a counter full of dishes and left them in favor of gaming, I've made sure I do the dishes every day. Today, I changed the litter in the box, and I've got a load of laundry in the dryer and one in the washer, and I took all the trashes out. Later, I'll do the dishes I didn't do this morning and sweep the kitchen.
Yesterday, I did laundry and dishes and worked on garden research. I'm frustrated because some things I wanted to grow should already be in the ground, but there's still two feet of snow in the backyard. This weekend, we'll probably pop into town and grab some seed starters and seeds, so we can at least get some things started, and hope that the ground will be thawed by the time they're ready to go in.
These seem like little things, but when I'm struggling to do anything at all, they're actually pretty big.
Besides that, we got some work done on the car.
We went outside, last week, to go to the grocery store, and one of the tires we thought was in good shape was completely flat. It had been a week since we'd driven anywhere, so we figure the temperature changes had something to do with it, but to be safe, we had it replaced with a used one. We also had the tire that had a slow leak resealed and balanced. While they were doing that, they tightened a tie rod that was super loose, and welded some brackets on our exhaust pipe so it wouldn't fall off (the entire thing was hanging by a bracket in the back and a bracket in the front). Yesterday, they did an alignment. All in all, $1500 worth of repairs we'd been putting off because we didn't want to spend that much money on this stupid car that is 17 years old and should have been junked three years ago cost us around $200.
There's still a bit of work that needs to be done, but we're putting most of it off as long as possible in the hopes that we can save the money for a down payment instead, and junk the damn thing. I mean, the whole undercarriage is rusted. It's going to literally rust apart. I'm not even sure how it passes inspection every year.
I am failing so hard at lowering my junk food intake. I'd like to blame Big because he's the biggest enabler in the history of ever, and he keeps putting junk in the cart, but I'm a grown ass woman and at some point, I need to find the determination to allow junk food to be in the house if Big buys it and not eat it myself. This has always been a daunting task for me. I'm not really sure how I'm going to pull it off.
And I'm really not making any efforts at managing my time better. I have been spending less time on social media, but that's partly because I've been spending that time gaming.
I don't know if I'm gonna get that painting finished this month. I've decided I still need to work on lightening the background, which is going to take the rest of my blue paint. I need to order more, but it's going to have to wait because of the car work, and other things we need.
My goals for March were definitely too ambitious.
I have some things I want to accomplish. More tasks than goals. Like starting the spring cleaning, and getting the plans for the veggie garden squared away, and figuring out to where I'm going to move the bleeding hearts I found under the deck last year. I think I'm going to start that tomorrow. Obviously, I can't move the bleeding hearts until the ground thaws, but I can watch the sun positioning and pick a place they'll enjoy.
I've got some ideas for my recipe reviews that I'm pretty excited about. I need to get a grocery list squared away for those.
I should be getting on the elliptical, but I'm not gonna. I'm gonna go work on my taming pen in ARK and fold clothes when it's night time. Maybe I'll run on the elliptical later.
So that's where I'm at. Where are you?
💜
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